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*Headhunter*
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Posts : 43
Join date : 2010-04-14

PostSubject: New Jokes...   Tue Jun 01, 2010 12:05 pm

chat with anonymously:

(anonymously): what do you wear?
Girls: Clothes
(minute later)
(anonymously): what do you wear?
Girls: still clothes...!
(anonymously): me wear nothing more and you?
Girls:... and still clothes
(anonymously): what for which?
Girls: Cotton
(anonymously): say already names!
Girls: Peter, Paul and Mary !
(anonymously): what are for namen?
Girls: if I do not know, but you wanted which hear...!
(anonymously): no, how are your clothes called?
Girls: that not yours seriously, or? This has me never somebody asked =)
(anonymously): no, name your Clothes!
Girls: the question comes on the same one out..., well, I still have to them none given..., however, I can now make up if you on it exist... Ben, Angie, Fred, Linda and Gritt!

(anonymously): No, the kind of the clothes!
Girls: still cotton... even 100%!
(anonymously): T-shirt, trousers, boxer?
Girls: cotton!
(anonymously): no desire on cs?
Girls: no, I do not play with pleasure Counter strike!
(anonymously): one ey, cs and ts = cybersex and telefonsex!
Girls: I violate neither mine pc, still mine telefon!
(anonymously): are you still a virgin?
Girls: Why still? I am a cancer and becomes there probably remain also always!
(anonymously): one I born it on! if we change the subject... where you come?
Girls: from at home
(anonymously): I go

________________________________________________________________________________

An old lady goes with the lift in the 5th floor.
On the 1st floor the lift holds, a young lady who smells very strong walks in. The old lady pulls up the nose, there says the young lady: Chanel No.5 for 150€.
On the 2nd floor a young lady still gets on, it smells as strong. Again the old lady pulls up the nose, says the young woman: Armani, 250€.
Before the old lady gets out on the 5th floor, she gives up. There the young ladies pull up the nose, there says the old lady: Broccoli, Cheapest shop, 99 cents.


________________________________________________________________________________

A married couple expects younger generation and enquires with the doctor as it looks with the sex during the pregnancy. The doctor explains:
"In the first third they can concern it quite normally, in the second third they should go over to the dog position and effect the wolf position in the last third then only."
The man irritates: "The wolf position?"
On it the doctor: "Yes, they lie down beside the hole and howl..."

_________________________________________________________________________________

Experiences of a blonde

January
Has brought the new scarf back in the store, he was too narrow.

February
Was fired by the baker's because I can mark no cakes. Halllooo?!?... The cake simply did not fit in the typewriter!

March
Was excited very much, a jigsaw puzzle has finished in 6 months... On the box stood "2-4 years"!

April
On the rolling stair for hours stuck... The stream had fallen out!

May
To make tried jam... is strenuous this to peel all Donuts!

June
If water-ski wanted to go... Has found no lake with slope.

July
Have with the breast swimming competition lost... later has struck me that the other swimmers have cheated and Hax, they have used her arms!

August
Has locked out me during a thunderstorm from my car... The car is fullfilled with water, because this Roof was open...

September
I still search Heinz in the ketchup bottle...

October
I hate M&Ms... them are bad to the peeling.

November
If the Christmas celebration on the roof has spent - stood on the invitation: "All drinks go on the house".

December
If 112 could not call... *pah*... There is no "Eleven" key on this stupid phone!

... What year!!


________________________________________________________________________________

With "bets that..." stated a candidate:

"I am able with linked eyes, by the bare If all Persian carpets with province feel, knot density and woollen kind recognise." 50 carpets from which he should recognise five are selected. The bet runs!

1. Carpet is selected: The candidate feels him Carpet from and guesses: "This is a Ghioda-wall carpet from Gazintep, south Anatolia, 40000 knots per square metre, 20x20 texture, wool from the rare Mergoum sheep!" Properly!!
Applause, applause!!

2. Carpet: The candidate senses the carpet and guesses: "This a ground carpet Aghlabides is over Kairouan, hexagonally, 25000 knots per Qudratmeter, 50x50 texture, silk from the especially grown Konya silk caterpillars" Properly!!
Applause, applause!!

Thus it further goes with the other carpets, he if everything properly guesses, he is the quits king!! After the successful show there is of course a gigantic party with all involved people, also his woman who sat in the audience, has come along of course.

At 04:00 o'clock in the morning he lies down at the hotel to his wife in the bed. The next morning with the breakfast she complains: "The Fact that you have pushed party as a quits king on everybody during the after show and have well drunk one, this forgive I you! The fact that you have vomited in the hotel loo, this also forgive I you. But the fact that you have reached to me in the sleep to the "MuMu" and have said in your drunkenness "phloem mat, old, with hole and renovation-destitute!" - THIS never forgive I you!"

________________________________________________________________________________

If only men are in the household.

Dear Zombie !
Many thanks for your dear letter. You really need to give yourself no troubles. It is everything in order. I myself cook food, and I am astonished daily more how well it works, nevertheless.

Meanwhile I can eat, without afterwards in the Sick person live the stomach must be pumped out. Because it must often go fast, yesterday I have made to myself fried potatoes.

Must the potatoes be peeled, actually? Occasionally I was bread rolls get. After my return the enamel had melted in the frying pan. I have never thought that she is able of state so little against. The smoke in the kitchen has departed again, but the cat is black like a raven and coughs. Since that time she takes in panic the flight if I switch on only the cooker or clatter with the frying pans. Because I need at least once a day what warm to food as you know, the cat does not show up meanwhile at all!

Say sometimes, how long must one cook, actually, eggs? I have cooked them two hours, but they were not to be got softy. Write to me, nevertheless, sometimes whether one can still use burnt milk. Should I lift them, until you come again? Had light problems with the goulash, a tin has made to me warmly. However, unfortunately, she has exploded in the microwave. The door of the microwave was flung by the window and, unfortunately, our nice greenhouse is also broken..... the window. Because it was closed it was torn with the frame completely out, the blast was immense.
The tin against it went off like a uvula, vertically upwards, strained the cover and met the small 13-year-old daughter of Mr. Marty who lives about us, exactly between the legs. She was just with the piano play. Nothing has happened to her, but to the piano Teacher it has torn off 4 fingers!

Have you had it already sometimes that dirty dishes have gone mouldy to you? How is this possible only in so short time? Nevertheless, it are hardly four weeks away. Behind the wash basin everything lives, because can "ANIMAL LIVES BREHMS" turn. Where does this Creepy Animals come? Have you possibly deposited them there?

Left me, nevertheless finally, in addition and had rinsed the dishes. Please, do not get angry my treasure, but the good porcelain of Ganny is there. If I had not thought, it looked however, thus stable, was probably a little bit a lot, 1000 rotations in the washing machine. It is, by the way, also over, the big butcher knife has damaged with the skidding, unfortunately, the drum a little..... and now puts in the wall, the knife not the drum.

Since it has the 300th brick wall come through and lies around somewhere outdoors pointlessly!
Unfortunately, with food I have the sitting room carpet get very dirty, with tomato sauce. You always said which does not go out tomato sauce any more. There you have been wrong, my darling, that wonderfully also went out, the hair of the carpet. I might well have taken no Nitrous/Glycerine dilute !

I also had to defrost the fridge. You are always so clumsy there, the ice wonderfully goes from with a trowel. Now only funny enough he heats, funnily. Anyway the meat is well by. Yoghurt, champagne and mineral water also, everything explodes!

When I wanted to feed yesterday afternoon the rabbits, the candle has fallen down to me. In no time everything was aflame.

With it I want to close, tomorrow more. I hope that you enjoy your cure in carefree rest and joy.

Many kind regards

Your Atari

HP: Your mother has hit when she got to know from the misfortune the blow. Yesterday the burial was. I have not said it you to disturb you not needlessly. You are on cure and should recover!


_____________________________________________________________________________

Bill Gates, A.Schwarzenegger and Obama come to the sky. There she expects Peter and says to them: "There is here in heaven one single rule: You may not step on the blue clouds!"
However, Bill Gates soon steps on a blue cloud.
Peter comes with the ugliest woman whom he has ever seen, she chains each other and says: "To the punishment that you have stepped on a blue cloud you will spend the rest of the eternity to this ugly woman chained!"
The next day A.Schwarzenegger also steps on a blue cloud and Peter comes immediately with another incredibly ugly woman. He also chains them each other.
Obama observes everything and pays attention that he does not step also on a blue cloud. One day Peter comes to him with the most attractive woman whom he has ever seen: big, browned, winding sexily brunettes. Peter chains them silently each other.
Obama means only: "Would know already with pleasure with which I have earned to be connected the rest of the eternity with you?"
The woman answers only: "Well, I am up thus ' one s*** blue cloud kicked !"


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©️ by Timo R. 5/2010 Laughing
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